I can not tell you how many times I've read and read and re-read this poem

I've had to read this five times over, simply because it's to...skilled a writing not want another taste.

"I must have spilled paint in my iris
(would this lead to a colorful blindness?)"

Every word of this is stunningly aranged in such a way that it fills like the reader should hold their breath in order not to distrub the wording. You've got a great talent.

I love the twisted fight club into poetry!

From the first two lines you had me hook, line and sinker. This was amazing, and as I read I found myself holding my breath.

"It's beauty, and it's tragedy in balance
Like guitars smashed against the rocks
in an angry acid tide"

There are too many favorites to pick out, but I will say that that image shocked me for some reason...maybe the wording of it? I'm still not sure, but I love it. Beautifully done.

Your final lines gave me goose-shivers. Great work.

This is a poem of beauty so severe that it breaks my heart. Great write, really.

Okay, first of all I have to say that I just saw Dream Theatre last year, playing with Megadeath. Great fun

To the poem. As with everyone else, I fell in love with the teddy bear line--it brought to mind a kind of island of the lost toys, with a graveyard dedicated to the "tragic teddy bears". The lines of "of ancient clocks, watches, watchers
and unholy things" just gave me shivers. The concept of someone/thing that just...watches has alwasy creeped me out, ever sense I saw that old scary movie as a kid---the one were the guy lives in the walls of a familys house and watches them? damn, can't remember the name....anyway, it's a great line, and it's a great poem. I kinda wish it would have been longer so that the final lines--waking up---would have been..more of a shock?

I absoutly loved the first stanza, it lent a kind of musical quality to the rest of the poem. I've always been tugged by mermaids, and find them a powerfull image to mold in poetry. You did beautiful work here.

wow, this is beautiful! It reminds me of when I broke my collar bone a few years back, and they gave me crazy-strong pain pills--which affect me oddly--and I would stay up late, drugged up on those pain killers, unable to sleep, and seeing faces in the shadows, and strange birds(no idea why, but I always see birds when i'm sick) and have babbling conversations to the people I was sure was talking back. This is amazing.....mmmm, and i LOVE the sand pile...looks like someone disabled your sandcastle, sweetheart.

This reminds me of the story "No Name Woman" by Maxine Hong Kingston. You've got such a talent, baby doll, it's amazing.

"I am telling on her, and she was a spite suicide, drowning herself in the drinking water. The Chinese are always very frightened of the drowned own, whose weeping ghost, wet hair hanging and skin bloated, watis silently by the water to pull down a substitute." Great short story, you should read it if you ever have the chance.